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“AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark without a swim top?” - Clover - May 8 2025
r/AITAH: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ki37pv/aitah_for_confronting_my_wife_after_she_let_our/
Designer_Wood3356 Me (30m) and my wife (29f) have a daughter (6f). Just last weekend, my wife took our daughter to a local waterpark with her sister and her 2 children. I had to work that weekend, so I was unable to come.
My sister-in-law loves to take pictures on family outings just for the sake of having memories, so she brought her camera. When they get home later that evening, they all seemed like they had a great time.
We were all sitting in the living room when my sister-in-law casted the pictures onto the living room TV. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was my daughter, wearing nothing but swim bottoms. I looked over to my wife as her sister kept clicking through the pictures, and she stared back at me with a completely puzzled look.
I didn’t want to say anything in front of my sister-in-law so I waited until she left to mention it. Once she left, I immediately asked her about it. She tells me that our daughter “spilled chocolate ice cream on the top and didn’t want to wear it with the stain on it”.
I told her that our 6 year old daughter does not need to be out in public topless, and she starts yelling at me for “sexualizing” our daughter and claims that since she’s only 6, she “doesn’t even have anything to cover up”. She also goes on to say that she wanted her to feel comfortable, and if she didn’t want to wear the top because it would make her uncomfortable, then she would let her make that decision.
I explain to my wife that she should’ve found a shirt or something to cover her up with, but she insisted that nobody seemed to care about it. She then tells me that I’m “accusing her of being a bad mother” and tells me that I’m making normal situation weird for “sexualizing my own daughter”.
Honestly, it wasn’t ALL about her being sexualized. That was concern #1 for me as I know that there are creepy people all over the world who prey on kids. But on top of that, it’s just basic human decency and modesty. Also, a boundary that I want my daughter to understand. She can’t just walk around bare-chested without a top on.
I try to explain my reasoning behind my concern, but she walks away and locks herself in the guest bedroom for the night. The next morning, I try to talk to her about it again and she says nothing. She’s been giving me the silent treatment all week long and sleeping in the guest bedroom, and now I’m wondering if I handled this situation the right way or not. AITAH?
Many top comments deem him a sexist asshole.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - Wandering_Feminist56 - May 11 2025
So gross and sad. Luckily for the little girl he wasn't there that day so she got to run and play like a normal child. Just imagine what'd happen, he'd try to force her to wear a bikini top and she's pull it off of her in no time-- ''but why, daddy?'' Would by then the sexualizing, misogynistic indoctrination start? That she's inherently sexual, even at 6, or inherently shameful, improper and dirty and must be covered up? As opposed to the boys?
Would he explain dangerous old people and because of old perverts she needs to cover up? What a gross, sick man. Like the comments say, she's female, the shame and sexualization will start soon enough. I'm glad she has her mother.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - OffMyTit - May 11 2025
I would like all people to be expected to cover up. Not wanting your child to be sexualized is not the same thing as sexualizing your child. I’m extremely happy my parents never took pictures of me unclothed or allowed strangers to see me that way.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - pisceanpharies - Jun 6 2025
(May 11 2025, 10:24 AM)OffMyTit I would like all people to be expected to cover up. Not wanting your child to be sexualized is not the same thing as sexualizing your child. I’m extremely happy my parents never took pictures of me unclothed or allowed strangers to see me that way.
Agreed. It's about understanding that there are very sick people out there. He wasn't sexualizing his own daughter or trying to shame her. He was being realistic and trying to protect her.
Oddly, and not to downplay the seriousness of this subject, but your username made me laugh a bit.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - wormwood - Jun 6 2025
I’m a child of the 70s, I guess, but I’m baffled at the notion that “all people” should be covered up at a water park. Like, how covered up? 6 year old boys and girls should wear t shirts? Or those bikini top bathing suits they put on little girls these days? Because there are creeps? There are foot fetishists aplenty, should everyone wear shoes to the beach?
When I was six, small children of both sexes wore bathing suits that were about the size of underpants, and it wasn’t unusual to see smaller kids naked at the beach or the pool. Now, I’m not saying the 70s were right - we didn’t wear any sunblock either- in fact, sunblock that was invisible and waterproof didn’t even exist. My family are European, and I clearly remember how we children hated the one American uncle who made us wear bathing suits because it was “indecent” not to.
I can work my way to an argument where the more bodies are covered up the more perversion they inspire. Certainly I think putting a bikini top on a little girl sexualises her far, far more than letting her run around topless like the little boys. Or naked.
But I am not making such an argument; just baffled. Also, I agree with Wandering_Feminist56 that the psychological harm of making a little girl afraid of creepers and self-conscious in her body is significant. I was about 11 when leering males made it clear to me I was an object of sexual interest, and I count it as a significant psychological trauma, in a childhood that was plenty psychologically traumatic.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - OffMyTit - Jun 7 2025
(Jun 6 2025, 11:11 PM)wormwood I’m a child of the 70s, I guess, but I’m baffled at the notion that “all people” should be covered up at a water park. Like, how covered up? 6 year old boys and girls should wear t shirts?Yes. Why not? T-shirts and shorts for all. The way the climate is heating up and the atmosphere is dissipating, people of certain skin tones, if not all of us, should be physically themselves from the sun anyway.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - OffMyTit - Jun 7 2025
(Jun 6 2025, 9:24 PM)whitemoonselena9b4tAw, thanks, it’s a little crude so I know it’s not everyone’s taste.(May 11 2025, 10:24 AM)OffMyTit I would like all people to be expected to cover up. Not wanting your child to be sexualized is not the same thing as sexualizing your child. I’m extremely happy my parents never took pictures of me unclothed or allowed strangers to see me that way.
Agreed. It's about understanding that there are very sick people out there. He wasn't sexualizing his own daughter or trying to shame her. He was being realistic and trying to protect her.
Oddly, and not to downplay the seriousness of this subject, but your username made me laugh a bit.
I get the impression that most women opposed to clothing children are bristling at the sexism. Why simply clothing all the kids isn’t an option is where it gets weird to me. Treating all kids the same doesn’t necessarily have to always mean letting girls get away with what boys have. Sometimes boys should be restricted.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - YesYourNigel - Jun 7 2025
Quote:When I was six, small children of both sexes wore bathing suits that were about the size of underpants, and it wasn’t unusual to see smaller kids naked at the beach or the pool.
Same, except in the 90's. I find it crazy that little girls need to wear pretend-bras on the beach in American media. The notion that naked children by their very presence could only be there to fuel pedophiles' fantasies is sickening. If you're worried about your child's safety, keep an eye on them, as you should regardless. Do Americans think every naked kid or every barechested little girl on the beach was getting approached by creepy men? And that covering their chests would've somehow prevented that? Really?
Quote:He wasn't sexualizing his own daughter or trying to shame her. He was being realistic and trying to protect her.
Protect from what? The male gaze? It's a helluva lot more male-gaze-pandering to demand little girls wear a bra so as to deny adult men some wank fodder.
There's a massive difference between protecting yourself from men preying on and violating female people's privacy and safety VS "protecting" yourself from any sort of male objectification, an inherently impossible endeavor given that women are by their very nature sex objects in men's minds and limiting women's freedom on that basis has never ended well. By that logic, you should all wear a burqa or hell, never leave a bunker because a man will sexualise everything you do. At what point does your freedom become more important than some weird notion of maintaining your "purity" in face of men's endless objectification?
If your safety and privacy aren't compromised, your freedom to do completely normal things and live your life should take precedence. Fuck what men think.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - wormwood - Jun 7 2025
(Jun 7 2025, 8:54 AM)OffMyTit(Jun 6 2025, 11:11 PM)wormwood I’m a child of the 70s, I guess, but I’m baffled at the notion that “all people” should be covered up at a water park. Like, how covered up? 6 year old boys and girls should wear t shirts?Yes. Why not? T-shirts and shorts for all. The way the climate is heating up and the atmosphere is dissipating, people of certain skin tones, if not all of us, should be physically themselves from the sun anyway.
UV protection is arguably that important, yes (though I wouldn’t want to be the mom who has to get sunproof long sleeves and a hat on her kids every day of the summer holidays). I’m not really qualified for the dermatology discussion though, and I sort of feel that’s not really the origin of your argument, which I understood to be more about (sex blind) modesty.
RE: “AITAH for confronting my wife after she let our daughter roam around a waterpark ... - OffMyTit - Jun 8 2025
(Jun 7 2025, 8:49 PM)wormwoodThe UV issue is yet another reason to cover kids, not one that takes away from a gender-neutral expectation to cover one’s torso. Why would treating males and female children the same by covering everyone be a problem?(Jun 7 2025, 8:54 AM)OffMyTit(Jun 6 2025, 11:11 PM)wormwood I’m a child of the 70s, I guess, but I’m baffled at the notion that “all people” should be covered up at a water park. Like, how covered up? 6 year old boys and girls should wear t shirts?Yes. Why not? T-shirts and shorts for all. The way the climate is heating up and the atmosphere is dissipating, people of certain skin tones, if not all of us, should be physically themselves from the sun anyway.
UV protection is arguably that important, yes (though I wouldn’t want to be the mom who has to get sunproof long sleeves and a hat on her kids every day of the summer holidays). I’m not really qualified for the dermatology discussion though, and I sort of feel that’s not really the origin of your argument, which I understood to be more about (sex blind) modesty.