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+--- Forum: Beauty Culture (https://clovenhooves.org/forumdisplay.php?fid=8)
+--- Thread: Beauty culture in action today (/showthread.php?tid=1841)
Beauty culture in action today - ShameMustChangeSides - Dec 30 2025
I had to run some errands after a dental cleaning this morning. Anymore, I don't wear a full beat almost ever. I'll admit I still put on a little makeup for work or to go out, but for the last few years I've kept it pretty light (tinted moisturizer, mascara, half lash, brow pencil) compared to what I was doing in my mid-20s (concealer, primer, foundation, contour, blush, highlighter, blend, eyeshadow primer, multiple colors of eyeshadow, blend, eyeliner, mascara, BIG false lashes, brow pencil, setting spray).
Today I did something between the two. Not all the craziness, but the main difference is I went with some biggish lashes.
And I did my hair instead of throwing it back in a low claw clip.
My God the difference in men's behavior. They were so friendly and helpful. Example: Walmart worker opened a checkout stand specifically for me because I hadn't grabbed a basket and grabbed too many items, all precariously perched in my arms as I waited in a slow line. He was very friendly, and complimentary when checking my ID for the confetti poppers I was buying. Then he closed the checkout down again as people tried to line up behind me.
I kind of anticipated this but I had forgotten because I have tended to avoid male attention and treat them as non-entities the last several years when I'm out and about.
I just saw a video the other day of a woman wearing sweats and struggling with carrying boxes and then her in a short pink dress doing the same to compare, and men's behavior was exactly as expected.
And also... I don't look THAT different?? Like I won't say I wake up gorgeous but I'm not a bad looking human, it's not like I'm even slightly transforming my face.
Conforming to beauty culture has consequences, both positive and negative, or no one would bother.
But my question is... What makes the difference in the behavior of men who aren't consciously thinking about it?
Do I actually look more attractive (rhetorical)? Or is it that men subconsciously register that I look more compliant because I'm conforming and that means I seem vulnerable? Or is it that I look like I'm signaling that I care what men think?
RE: Beauty culture in action today - skunk - Dec 30 2025
Although I know men will sometimes pick on hyperfeminine women, it seems pretty evident to me that men heavily prefer it when women "perform their role" and I think thats what happening here. I think it does make us seem more compliant. Like were less likely to be "difficult". Ive had the exact same experience. Im a decent looking woman but the way men treated me when I had long hair vs short hair (as in, 2 in length at best) is insane. Its just hair length. I dont look that different either. But its like theyre pissed Im not subscribing to what Im supposed to be subscribing to. Im not compliant. I must be difficult. Some of my own coworkers (mostly male since im in a male dominated industry) were visibly disturbed that id do such a thing.
And yeah, I get the exact same thing on whether I wear feminine clothes vs comfortable or more "masculine" clothes. Ive got the same face. Ive got the same body. But its like I turn into a pariah when I dont perform. Kinda pisses me off cause if they just left me alone, thats one thing, but Ill have men go from being friendly to being downright rude to me.
RE: Beauty culture in action today - ShameMustChangeSides - Dec 30 2025
(Dec 30 2025, 3:54 PM)skunk Although I know men will sometimes pick on hyperfeminine women, it seems pretty evident to me that men heavily prefer it when women "perform their role" and I think thats what happening here. I think it does make us seem more compliant. Like were less likely to be "difficult". Ive had the exact same experience. Im a decent looking woman but the way men treated me when I had long hair vs short hair (as in, 2 in length at best) is insane. Its just hair length. I dont look that different either. But its like theyre pissed Im not subscribing to what Im supposed to be subscribing to. Im not compliant. I must be difficult. Some of my own coworkers (mostly male since im in a male dominated industry) were visibly disturbed that id do such a thing.
And yeah, I get the exact same thing on whether I wear feminine clothes vs comfortable or more "masculine" clothes. Ive got the same face. Ive got the same body. But its like I turn into a pariah when I dont perform. Kinda pisses me off cause if they just left me alone, thats one thing, but Ill have men go from being friendly to being downright rude to me.
For as socially inept as men like to pretend to be, they are actually very attuned to social expectations and compliance/noncompliance with then. They just get away with way more terrible shit when they play dumb. But yeah I've noticed the same with clothing, too. If my hair is down and I'm wearing a dress, men act very pleased and also don't even try to hide their wandering eyes. If I'm comfortable, at best they ignore me. And then they get into a relationship and they want their female partner to wear sweats and no makeup... Mateguarding?