‘I realised I’d been ChatGPT-ed into bed’: how ‘Chatfishing’ made finding love on dating apps even weirder

clovenhooves The Personal Is Political Women are not Products Article ‘I realised I’d been ChatGPT-ed into bed’: how ‘Chatfishing’ made finding love on dating apps even weirder

Article ‘I realised I’d been ChatGPT-ed into bed’: how ‘Chatfishing’ made finding love on dating apps even weirder

Article ‘I realised I’d been ChatGPT-ed into bed’: how ‘Chatfishing’ made finding love on dating apps even weirder

eyeswideopen

147

Oct 12 2025, 7:22 AM

#1

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/oct/12/chatgpt-ed-into-bed-chatfishing-on-dating-apps

Posting this article here, because I feel that it exemplifies how so many men treat online dating like a video game and the women they are trying to date as NPCs, using LLMs to generate the "correct" answers that will get them the quest rewards (sex and a relationship).

eyeswideopen

Oct 12 2025, 7:22 AM #1

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/oct/12/chatgpt-ed-into-bed-chatfishing-on-dating-apps

Posting this article here, because I feel that it exemplifies how so many men treat online dating like a video game and the women they are trying to date as NPCs, using LLMs to generate the "correct" answers that will get them the quest rewards (sex and a relationship).

Clover
Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

1,294

Oct 12 2025, 10:44 PM

#2

So gross and sad. Sad for those women, that is, that men are so gross.

Quote:Posting this article here, because I feel that it exemplifies how so many men treat online dating like a video game and the women they are trying to date as NPCs, using LLMs to generate the "correct" answers that will get them the quest rewards (sex and a relationship).

Yeah, men really do treat online dating like a video game. They min-max the shit out of it. It's literally a numbers game for them. I recall some apps had to enable some "max swipes" restrictions per day for men, because men realized they could just swipe "yes" on every woman, in hopes some of them match, and at that point they would actually filter through and unmatch the ones they weren't even interested in in the first place!

Tbh I don't think they're looking for a "relationship", at least not in the same sense a woman would see a relationship, ie. a partnership. They're definitely looking for sex, but the "relationship" they're looking for is one more akin to a male angler fish suctioning itself onto a female angler fish. "One Mommy McBangmaid, please!" If they were looking for an actual meaningful relationship, they wouldn't be so insane as to actually use LLMs to "chat" with the women they match with. Fuckin' psychos.

Clover

Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

Oct 12 2025, 10:44 PM #2

So gross and sad. Sad for those women, that is, that men are so gross.

Quote:Posting this article here, because I feel that it exemplifies how so many men treat online dating like a video game and the women they are trying to date as NPCs, using LLMs to generate the "correct" answers that will get them the quest rewards (sex and a relationship).

Yeah, men really do treat online dating like a video game. They min-max the shit out of it. It's literally a numbers game for them. I recall some apps had to enable some "max swipes" restrictions per day for men, because men realized they could just swipe "yes" on every woman, in hopes some of them match, and at that point they would actually filter through and unmatch the ones they weren't even interested in in the first place!

Tbh I don't think they're looking for a "relationship", at least not in the same sense a woman would see a relationship, ie. a partnership. They're definitely looking for sex, but the "relationship" they're looking for is one more akin to a male angler fish suctioning itself onto a female angler fish. "One Mommy McBangmaid, please!" If they were looking for an actual meaningful relationship, they wouldn't be so insane as to actually use LLMs to "chat" with the women they match with. Fuckin' psychos.

Elsacat

634

Oct 13 2025, 7:34 AM

#3

Cyrano de Bergerac, but make it AI.

Women and men are looking for such fundamentally different things on dating apps. And in general when it comes to dating, I think. But especially on the apps. I think men are being sold on some idea of finding easy hookups through apps, and that's not what's going to happen so they start playing numbers games and trying to deceive women. I think most women on those apps are looking for relationships, not hookups. Men don't have to be gay to bring the Grindr mentality to dating and dating apps.

Elsacat

Oct 13 2025, 7:34 AM #3

Cyrano de Bergerac, but make it AI.

Women and men are looking for such fundamentally different things on dating apps. And in general when it comes to dating, I think. But especially on the apps. I think men are being sold on some idea of finding easy hookups through apps, and that's not what's going to happen so they start playing numbers games and trying to deceive women. I think most women on those apps are looking for relationships, not hookups. Men don't have to be gay to bring the Grindr mentality to dating and dating apps.

Clover
Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

1,294

Oct 14 2025, 1:05 PM

#4

This article was also shared on Tildes, for more commentary on the same topic: https://tildes.net/~tech/1qop/i_realised_id_been_chatgpt_ed_into_bed_how_chatfishing_made_finding_love_on_dating_apps_even_weirder

Clover

Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

Oct 14 2025, 1:05 PM #4

This article was also shared on Tildes, for more commentary on the same topic: https://tildes.net/~tech/1qop/i_realised_id_been_chatgpt_ed_into_bed_how_chatfishing_made_finding_love_on_dating_apps_even_weirder

YesYourNigel

309

Oct 14 2025, 9:57 PM

#5

(Oct 13 2025, 7:34 AM)Elsacat I think most women on those apps are looking for relationships, not hookups.

Even the women who look for hookups want to filter creepy men out, and overall at least want to glean something about the hookup partner. Men just want to recreate porn irl.

Quote:Men don't have to be gay to bring the Grindr mentality to dating and dating apps.

I mean, yeah, cuz it's about being male, not being gay. The only thing stopping straight men from falling down the same toxic drain of hookups, STDs and loneliness is the fact that they can't find enough self-destructive women up for it. Which also makes it hella ironic when homophonic straight men have the gall to criticise how promiscuous gay men are.
Also at least gay men are taught to recognise that other men have their own interests in hookups, rather than exclusively being a performer for their personal one-sided fantasies. Because men respect other men a whole lot more than they do women.

Edited Oct 14 2025, 9:58 PM by YesYourNigel.

I refuse to debate two obvious facts: 1. the patriarchy exists 2. and that's a bad thing

YesYourNigel

Oct 14 2025, 9:57 PM #5

(Oct 13 2025, 7:34 AM)Elsacat I think most women on those apps are looking for relationships, not hookups.

Even the women who look for hookups want to filter creepy men out, and overall at least want to glean something about the hookup partner. Men just want to recreate porn irl.

Quote:Men don't have to be gay to bring the Grindr mentality to dating and dating apps.

I mean, yeah, cuz it's about being male, not being gay. The only thing stopping straight men from falling down the same toxic drain of hookups, STDs and loneliness is the fact that they can't find enough self-destructive women up for it. Which also makes it hella ironic when homophonic straight men have the gall to criticise how promiscuous gay men are.
Also at least gay men are taught to recognise that other men have their own interests in hookups, rather than exclusively being a performer for their personal one-sided fantasies. Because men respect other men a whole lot more than they do women.

I refuse to debate two obvious facts: 1. the patriarchy exists 2. and that's a bad thing

Elsacat

634

Oct 15 2025, 7:25 AM

#6

Quote:I mean, yeah, cuz it's about being male, not being gay.

Well put, and I wish I'd said it, because the way i said it sounds unintentionally homophobic. It isn't about the gay part, it's about the guy part.

Quote:Because men respect other men a whole lot more than they do women.

Truth. Even when it's men they don't like. And even the men they don't respect, they still disrespect less than women.

Elsacat

Oct 15 2025, 7:25 AM #6

Quote:I mean, yeah, cuz it's about being male, not being gay.

Well put, and I wish I'd said it, because the way i said it sounds unintentionally homophobic. It isn't about the gay part, it's about the guy part.

Quote:Because men respect other men a whole lot more than they do women.

Truth. Even when it's men they don't like. And even the men they don't respect, they still disrespect less than women.

ptittle

28

Nov 3 2025, 12:31 PM

#7

(Oct 13 2025, 7:34 AM)Elsacat Cyrano de Bergerac, but make it AI.

Women and men are looking for such fundamentally different things on dating apps. And in general when it comes to dating, I think. But especially on the apps. I think men are being sold on some idea of finding easy hookups through apps, and that's not what's going to happen so they start playing numbers games and trying to deceive women. I think most women on those apps are looking for relationships, not hookups. Men don't have to be gay to bring the Grindr mentality to dating and dating apps.

Men and women are looking for such fundamentally different things period.

ptittle

Nov 3 2025, 12:31 PM #7

(Oct 13 2025, 7:34 AM)Elsacat Cyrano de Bergerac, but make it AI.

Women and men are looking for such fundamentally different things on dating apps. And in general when it comes to dating, I think. But especially on the apps. I think men are being sold on some idea of finding easy hookups through apps, and that's not what's going to happen so they start playing numbers games and trying to deceive women. I think most women on those apps are looking for relationships, not hookups. Men don't have to be gay to bring the Grindr mentality to dating and dating apps.

Men and women are looking for such fundamentally different things period.

Newt

12

Nov 14 2025, 6:56 PM

#8

I actually haven't heard of chatfishing before but I suppose it was only a matter of time. If it wasn't hurting women ever, I would think this is pretty funny honestly. For example

Quote: “I want to start a conversation that feels meaningful from the beginning so I can hook the other person in – but also I don’t want to spend too much time on it.

So lazy and short sighted

Edited Nov 14 2025, 6:58 PM by Newt.

Newt

Nov 14 2025, 6:56 PM #8

I actually haven't heard of chatfishing before but I suppose it was only a matter of time. If it wasn't hurting women ever, I would think this is pretty funny honestly. For example

Quote: “I want to start a conversation that feels meaningful from the beginning so I can hook the other person in – but also I don’t want to spend too much time on it.

So lazy and short sighted

YesYourNigel

309

Nov 15 2025, 11:50 AM

#9

One more point in favour of AI boyfriends. If literally the only appealing thing about a real life man is the fake chats that AI has written out for him, you might as well skip the middleman.

YesYourNigel

Nov 15 2025, 11:50 AM #9

One more point in favour of AI boyfriends. If literally the only appealing thing about a real life man is the fake chats that AI has written out for him, you might as well skip the middleman.

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