"There Is No Safe Word—How the best-selling fantasy author Neil Gaiman hid the darkest parts of himself for decades."

clovenhooves The Personal Is Political Violence Against Women Sexual Assault & Rape Article "There Is No Safe Word—How the best-selling fantasy author Neil Gaiman hid the darkest parts of himself for decades."

Article "There Is No Safe Word—How the best-selling fantasy author Neil Gaiman hid the darkest parts of himself for decades."

Print Thread

komorebi
“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

228

Jan 13 2025, 7:18 PM

Vulture (archive link), January 13, 2025. Note: Contains graphic descriptions of sexual assault and other disturbing content.

This is a long, harrowing, absolutely horrific piece. I'm not sure if I can gather my thoughts after having just read it; I feel like I need some brain bleach after reading about this absolute piece of shit. These poor women didn't deserve any of this, and I hope they're coming to a place of healing.

One libfemmy thing that bothered me as I was reading it was how the author kept emphasizing that it would have all been OK if only there had been consent, as though the lack of consent was the only thing that made this disgusting. But how can anyone possibly consent to abuse? Abuse is by nature coercive; consent doesn't come into it.

komorebi

“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

Jan 13 2025, 7:18 PM #1

Elsacat

163

Jan 13 2025, 8:26 PM

So gross. He should be in jail. Amanda Palmer probably should too. She practically trafficked these homeless, mentally struggling young women to Gaiman.

Elsacat

Jan 13 2025, 8:26 PM #2

So gross. He should be in jail. Amanda Palmer probably should too. She practically trafficked these homeless, mentally struggling young women to Gaiman.

wormwood

Jan 13 2025, 10:45 PM

What a vile, grubby little man. That he would do it in front of his kid is suggestive of a very high degree of narcissism, too.
Like, nowhere near this scale but my narcissistic abuser wanting to have sex even when we were sharing a room with our one year old, that was part of why I finally managed to leave.

I wonder if other women will come forward, or how many.

I wonder whether his cancellation will last. I suspect it won’t.

wormwood

Jan 13 2025, 10:45 PM #3

komorebi
“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

228

Jan 15 2025, 1:53 PM

Vile, grubby little man responds:

Neil Gaiman responds to explosive report of sexual assault, NYT, Jan 14, 2025.

Quote:“I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone,” said the best-selling author in response to allegations in New York magazine.

Really? Never? Not even once? 🙄 Let alone hundreds of times, with dozens of women who have never met each other yet all have the same kind of story? Please.

komorebi

“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

Jan 15 2025, 1:53 PM #4

Vile, grubby little man responds:

Neil Gaiman responds to explosive report of sexual assault, NYT, Jan 14, 2025.

Quote:“I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone,” said the best-selling author in response to allegations in New York magazine.

Really? Never? Not even once? 🙄 Let alone hundreds of times, with dozens of women who have never met each other yet all have the same kind of story? Please.

Clover
Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

651

Jan 15 2025, 3:34 PM

(Jan 15 2025, 1:53 PM)komorebi Vile, grubby little man responds:

Neil Gaiman responds to explosive report of sexual assault, NYT, Jan 14, 2025.

Quote:“I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone,” said the best-selling author in response to allegations in New York magazine.

Men's idea of "non-consensual" is "well, she didn't say no." They dont want to think about power dynamics in any sense, nor do they want others to. They repudiate the notion of "affirmative consent" (yes means yes) because they need coercive consent to be deemed "acceptable" in society so they can 1. console/delude themselves and others into thinking they're not rapists and, if that fails, 2. justify being rapists.

Kozlik's regular member account. 🍀🐐

Clover

Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

Jan 15 2025, 3:34 PM #5

(Jan 15 2025, 1:53 PM)komorebi Vile, grubby little man responds:

Neil Gaiman responds to explosive report of sexual assault, NYT, Jan 14, 2025.

Quote:“I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone,” said the best-selling author in response to allegations in New York magazine.

Kozlik's regular member account. 🍀🐐

Elsacat

163

Jan 15 2025, 8:47 PM

The details some of the women provide in the original story are so vile, I can't imagine wanting to say all that just to be a money-grubber or attention-getter. (Money-grubber/attention-getter is likely the angle Gaiman will push) It's only worth it if you know those details will be associated as much or more with your attacker(s). As a heroic woman recently said, shame must change sides.

Elsacat

Jan 15 2025, 8:47 PM #6

wormwood

Jan 16 2025, 6:48 AM

(Jan 15 2025, 3:34 PM)Clover
(Jan 15 2025, 1:53 PM)komorebi Vile, grubby little man responds:

Neil Gaiman responds to explosive report of sexual assault, NYT, Jan 14, 2025.

Quote:“I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone,” said the best-selling author in response to allegations in New York magazine.
Men's idea of "non-consensual" is "well, she didn't say no." They dont want to think about power dynamics in any sense, nor do they want others to. They repudiate the notion of "affirmative consent" (yes means yes) because they need coercive consent to be deemed "acceptable" in society so they can 1. console/delude themselves and others into thinking they're not rapists and, if that fails, 2. justify being rapists.

Bingo. “The traumatised young lesbian with a crush on my ex wife, the one who was broke and still hoping to be paid for the childcare sh was doing, she didn't say no. Even though she says she did. The divorced mother financially dependent on living in my property, she didn’t say no either.”

wormwood

Jan 16 2025, 6:48 AM #7

(Jan 15 2025, 3:34 PM)Clover
(Jan 15 2025, 1:53 PM)komorebi Vile, grubby little man responds:

Neil Gaiman responds to explosive report of sexual assault, NYT, Jan 14, 2025.

Quote:“I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone,” said the best-selling author in response to allegations in New York magazine.
Men's idea of "non-consensual" is "well, she didn't say no." They dont want to think about power dynamics in any sense, nor do they want others to. They repudiate the notion of "affirmative consent" (yes means yes) because they need coercive consent to be deemed "acceptable" in society so they can 1. console/delude themselves and others into thinking they're not rapists and, if that fails, 2. justify being rapists.

komorebi
“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

228

Jan 18 2025, 1:15 AM

Related posts:

Neil Gaiman and the perils of BDSM: Is it possible to consent to sexual torture? (Kathleen Stock, UnHerd, January 17, 2025)

Quote:The fantasy that violence somehow becomes neutral or even good when accompanied by a resounding “yes” is crazy when you actually think about it; and is also belied by the heavy emphasis in the sexpert rulebook upon obtaining resounding expressions of consent at every stage, making it look more like a liability waiver than a responsible exploration of what participants really want. Meanwhile, back on earth, the whole point of BDSM is to mess around in the borderlands between yes and no; for what else does dominance and submission mean? Strictly speaking, it doesn’t count as either of these things if consent is fully and unambiguously present.

*

Women’s claims of sexual abuse must be heard – unless they’re about master storyteller Neil Gaiman, apparently (Marina Hyde, The Guardian, January 17, 2025)

Quote:In our era, people have righteously debunked the myth of the perfect victim – but less so the myth of the perfect perpetrator. The perfect perpetrator is an evil stranger – yet sexual abuse is overwhelmingly likely to be carried out by someone you know, who you may be related to or in a relationship with, and who is pretty nice to you some of the time. These are complex and inconvenient truths, but they are truths.

Quote:As for Neil himself, I see Gaiman still can’t let go of the allyship argot, which frequently feels performative and knackered, but in the circumstances of this case comes off as actively ludicrous. Finally breaking the silence on Thursday, Gaiman said that he hadn’t commented thus far on the multiple, months-long stream of allegations, some of which he had allegedly sought to silence via NDAs, “out of respect for the people that were sharing their stories”.

Sharing their stories, if you please! Neil: some of them have “shared their stories” with Auckland and Devon and Cornwall police. Are you attempting to be an “ally” to your own alleged victims? Either way, great to find you holding space/checking your privilege for them. You’ll note that people like Neil even react to sexual abuse allegations in a superior way. Honestly, I’m feeling somewhat lesser, here. I’ve literally never given $60,000 or $275,000 to people I haven’t sexually assaulted so that I can – hang on, let me get my reading glasses on – help them get therapy/“make up some of the damage”. Having said that, I have always paid my nanny via PAYE, and have never attempted to have sex with her. I recommend it.

komorebi

“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

Jan 18 2025, 1:15 AM #8

Related posts:

Neil Gaiman and the perils of BDSM: Is it possible to consent to sexual torture? (Kathleen Stock, UnHerd, January 17, 2025)

Quote:The fantasy that violence somehow becomes neutral or even good when accompanied by a resounding “yes” is crazy when you actually think about it; and is also belied by the heavy emphasis in the sexpert rulebook upon obtaining resounding expressions of consent at every stage, making it look more like a liability waiver than a responsible exploration of what participants really want. Meanwhile, back on earth, the whole point of BDSM is to mess around in the borderlands between yes and no; for what else does dominance and submission mean? Strictly speaking, it doesn’t count as either of these things if consent is fully and unambiguously present.

*

Women’s claims of sexual abuse must be heard – unless they’re about master storyteller Neil Gaiman, apparently (Marina Hyde, The Guardian, January 17, 2025)

Quote:In our era, people have righteously debunked the myth of the perfect victim – but less so the myth of the perfect perpetrator. The perfect perpetrator is an evil stranger – yet sexual abuse is overwhelmingly likely to be carried out by someone you know, who you may be related to or in a relationship with, and who is pretty nice to you some of the time. These are complex and inconvenient truths, but they are truths.

Quote:As for Neil himself, I see Gaiman still can’t let go of the allyship argot, which frequently feels performative and knackered, but in the circumstances of this case comes off as actively ludicrous. Finally breaking the silence on Thursday, Gaiman said that he hadn’t commented thus far on the multiple, months-long stream of allegations, some of which he had allegedly sought to silence via NDAs, “out of respect for the people that were sharing their stories”.

Sharing their stories, if you please! Neil: some of them have “shared their stories” with Auckland and Devon and Cornwall police. Are you attempting to be an “ally” to your own alleged victims? Either way, great to find you holding space/checking your privilege for them. You’ll note that people like Neil even react to sexual abuse allegations in a superior way. Honestly, I’m feeling somewhat lesser, here. I’ve literally never given $60,000 or $275,000 to people I haven’t sexually assaulted so that I can – hang on, let me get my reading glasses on – help them get therapy/“make up some of the damage”. Having said that, I have always paid my nanny via PAYE, and have never attempted to have sex with her. I recommend it.

komorebi
“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

228

Feb 9 2025, 12:26 PM

More updates.

Amanda Palmer ‘Will Not Respond’ to Human Trafficking Allegations (Vulture, Feb 8, 2025)

Quote:Amanda Palmer, ex-wife of Neil Gaiman, denies claims made in a recent lawsuit where the plaintiff Scarlett Pavlovich alleges that Palmer did not warn her about the history of sexual abuse and procuring Pavlovich for Gaiman. The lawsuit cites human-trafficking charges under the Trafficking Victims Protection Act. On February 8, Palmer released a statement on Instagram, denying the accusations. Her complete statement is as follows: “I thank you all deeply for continuing to respect my recent request for privacy as I navigate this extremely difficult moment. I must protect my young child and his right to privacy. With that as my priority, I will not respond to the specific allegations being made against me except to say that I deny the allegations and will respond in due course. My heart goes out to all survivors.”

I've got mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, she's not responsible for her husband being a piece of trash. On the other hand, per Hollywood Reporter:

Quote:According to the lawsuit, “Palmer told Scarlett — for the first time — more than a dozen women, including several former employees, had previously come to Palmer about abusive sexual encounters with Gaiman.”

On top of that, I don't know that what Amanda Palmer did counts as human trafficking legally (maybe someone else knows?), so I worry that this will just muddy the waters...

komorebi

“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

Feb 9 2025, 12:26 PM #9

More updates.

Amanda Palmer ‘Will Not Respond’ to Human Trafficking Allegations (Vulture, Feb 8, 2025)

Quote:Amanda Palmer, ex-wife of Neil Gaiman, denies claims made in a recent lawsuit where the plaintiff Scarlett Pavlovich alleges that Palmer did not warn her about the history of sexual abuse and procuring Pavlovich for Gaiman. The lawsuit cites human-trafficking charges under the Trafficking Victims Protection Act. On February 8, Palmer released a statement on Instagram, denying the accusations. Her complete statement is as follows: “I thank you all deeply for continuing to respect my recent request for privacy as I navigate this extremely difficult moment. I must protect my young child and his right to privacy. With that as my priority, I will not respond to the specific allegations being made against me except to say that I deny the allegations and will respond in due course. My heart goes out to all survivors.”

I've got mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, she's not responsible for her husband being a piece of trash. On the other hand, per Hollywood Reporter:

Quote:According to the lawsuit, “Palmer told Scarlett — for the first time — more than a dozen women, including several former employees, had previously come to Palmer about abusive sexual encounters with Gaiman.”

On top of that, I don't know that what Amanda Palmer did counts as human trafficking legally (maybe someone else knows?), so I worry that this will just muddy the waters...

Print Thread

Recently Browsing
1 Guest(s)