minor incident from the weekend
minor incident from the weekend
All three of us had some dance experience, so caught on to the steps quickly, but the man seemed to be struggling most. At one point he just stopped and announced 'I need fruit!' - and the woman pulled an energy bar out of her backpack and asked him if this would help. I just can't stop thinking about how incredibly entitled men are just in normal daily life - announcing their needs with the full expectation that some random woman will meet them, with a smile. (The teacher had the nerve to call this 'building community'.)
I signed up to a dance class at the community centre I teach at - unfortunately only two other people signed up, a woman and a man, which made it less fun and enjoyable for me. I'm old enough now that I'm happy to just leave something I'm not enjoying, but I did feel a bit bad for the teacher and the other two students, who'd have been even worse off if I left, so stuck it out for the whole session.
All three of us had some dance experience, so caught on to the steps quickly, but the man seemed to be struggling most. At one point he just stopped and announced 'I need fruit!' - and the woman pulled an energy bar out of her backpack and asked him if this would help. I just can't stop thinking about how incredibly entitled men are just in normal daily life - announcing their needs with the full expectation that some random woman will meet them, with a smile. (The teacher had the nerve to call this 'building community'.)
I swear he sounded and acted like a toddler. The community centre has a cafe - if he were that desperate for something to eat he could have used the break to go up and get something, eat it and come back without making it anyone else's problem. But he was surrounded by women, and women were put on earth to make sure all men's needs are met, so why should he do anything for himself?
“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde
(Jan 27 2025, 9:48 AM)drdee At one point he just stopped and announced 'I need fruit!' - and the woman pulled an energy bar out of her backpack and asked him if this would help.
Wtf? I can't even picture this. And this was a grown-ass man, begging for a snack like a three-year-old? Think I would've just burst out laughing.
(Jan 27 2025, 9:48 AM)drdee At one point he just stopped and announced 'I need fruit!' - and the woman pulled an energy bar out of her backpack and asked him if this would help.
Wtf? I can't even picture this. And this was a grown-ass man, begging for a snack like a three-year-old? Think I would've just burst out laughing.
It's interesting to me that men seem to mark their status by putting themselves in positions where women (or lower status men) need to serve them and do things for them - to my mind, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, being in a situation where other people have to serve you and do things for you makes you lower status, as it puts you in a childlike position - I mean, 'I can do it myself' is something kids say on their way to becoming adults. And being able to support and take care of others is one of the things that marks someone as an adult - even as someone with high enough status to share resources. Wondering now if this is actually a specifically man/woman thing. Or a dog/cat thing...'the humans feed me and care for me, they must be god' vs 'the humans feed me and care for me, I must be god'....
Another thing I realised, after writing this story - as I said, all three of us had dance experience and were doing OK following and learning, but he was clearly struggling the most to understand and follow along. It should have been clearer to me that he was compensating for that by demanding some kind of service from the women oround him, to 'put us in our place' and make sure we clearly understood the appropriate status hierarchy.
It's interesting to me that men seem to mark their status by putting themselves in positions where women (or lower status men) need to serve them and do things for them - to my mind, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, being in a situation where other people have to serve you and do things for you makes you lower status, as it puts you in a childlike position - I mean, 'I can do it myself' is something kids say on their way to becoming adults. And being able to support and take care of others is one of the things that marks someone as an adult - even as someone with high enough status to share resources. Wondering now if this is actually a specifically man/woman thing. Or a dog/cat thing...'the humans feed me and care for me, they must be god' vs 'the humans feed me and care for me, I must be god'....
(Jan 27 2025, 9:11 PM)mentdrdee “It's interesting to me that men seem to mark their status by putting themselves in positions where women (or lower status men) need to serve them and do things for them - to my mind, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, being in a situation where other people have to serve you and do things for you makes you lower status, as it puts you in a childlike position - I mean, 'I can do it myself' is something kids say on their way to becoming adults. And being able to support and take care of others is one of the things that marks someone as an adult - even as someone with high enough status to share resources. Wondering now if this is actually a specifically man/woman thing. Or a dog/cat thing...'the humans feed me and care for me, they must be god' vs 'the humans feed me and care for me, I must be god'....”
That’s a clarifying observation, about the learned helplessness of masculine in entitlement. From “I’m terrible in the kitchen, my wife does all the cooking” to the situation I observe in the older married women I know where she insists he seek medical treatment when he needs it and then makes sure he eats healthy and takes his medication.
Maybe that’s why so many men are jealous of their small children, they perceive needing things to be done for you as power, as having servants. The payoff for the women is they get the kind of power you describe, the self-respect of competence, and on this dysfunctionally goes.
(Jan 27 2025, 9:11 PM)mentdrdee “It's interesting to me that men seem to mark their status by putting themselves in positions where women (or lower status men) need to serve them and do things for them - to my mind, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, being in a situation where other people have to serve you and do things for you makes you lower status, as it puts you in a childlike position - I mean, 'I can do it myself' is something kids say on their way to becoming adults. And being able to support and take care of others is one of the things that marks someone as an adult - even as someone with high enough status to share resources. Wondering now if this is actually a specifically man/woman thing. Or a dog/cat thing...'the humans feed me and care for me, they must be god' vs 'the humans feed me and care for me, I must be god'....”
That’s a clarifying observation, about the learned helplessness of masculine in entitlement. From “I’m terrible in the kitchen, my wife does all the cooking” to the situation I observe in the older married women I know where she insists he seek medical treatment when he needs it and then makes sure he eats healthy and takes his medication.
Maybe that’s why so many men are jealous of their small children, they perceive needing things to be done for you as power, as having servants. The payoff for the women is they get the kind of power you describe, the self-respect of competence, and on this dysfunctionally goes.
'Maybe that’s why so many men are jealous of their small children, they perceive needing things to be done for you as power, as having servants.' Maybe! And as you say if women perceive this dynamic the opposite way to men...I think there's a book in here somewhere, for someone who wants to write it.
I actually first noticed this phenomenon 35 years ago, when I was living in sub-Saharan Africa - men would praise high-status men by talking about how they never had to do anything, they just sit in their chair and other people would feed and wash and care for and entertain them, and thinking that sounded both repugnant and infantilising.
Another thought about this - it explains some men's seemingly visceral loathing of people, particularly women, on welfare/benefits (and their simultaneous willingness to give a pass to 'middle class' people who also get government benefits that cost the state substantially more) - we usually attribute this to men thinking these people are immoral, lazy, 'stealing' from them, or somehow otherwise inadequate...but maybe these men are angry because they feel that these people are not high-status enough to be given help (ie 'servants').
I actually first noticed this phenomenon 35 years ago, when I was living in sub-Saharan Africa - men would praise high-status men by talking about how they never had to do anything, they just sit in their chair and other people would feed and wash and care for and entertain them, and thinking that sounded both repugnant and infantilising.
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