Not Everyone Has to Be Beautiful And That’s Okay

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Article Not Everyone Has to Be Beautiful And That’s Okay

Clover
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719

Mar 7 2025, 3:05 PM

By Kayleigh Donaldson.
Pajiba, April 19 2019.

https://www.pajiba.com/think_pieces/not-everyone-has-to-be-beautiful-and-thats-okay.php

Quote:We’ve talked before about how the utterly necessary and radical work of body positivity activists and campaigners has been appropriated and turned into just another skinny girl thing for the masses, stripped free of its political urgency. Capitalism demands a reinforcement of the status quo and what it believes to be guaranteed routes to profit, regardless of what history or economics say in rebuttal. So the faces of body positivity are the same stunningly beautiful people who would be used to sell detox tea, only now they’re cloaking their utterly substance-free inspirational messages in a false sense of universality. No, see, we’re all beautiful and you just need to believe in yourself!

But here’s the thing: I wholeheartedly believe I am unattractive and I am not bothered by that. I don’t think I’m beautiful and I think it’s OK to say that. It is not a curse or a lack of self-confidence that encourages me to think such things about myself. So why does everyone get so wound up when I say it?

Edited Mar 7 2025, 3:06 PM by Clover.

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Clover

Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

Mar 7 2025, 3:05 PM #1

By Kayleigh Donaldson.
Pajiba, April 19 2019.

https://www.pajiba.com/think_pieces/not-everyone-has-to-be-beautiful-and-thats-okay.php

Quote:We’ve talked before about how the utterly necessary and radical work of body positivity activists and campaigners has been appropriated and turned into just another skinny girl thing for the masses, stripped free of its political urgency. Capitalism demands a reinforcement of the status quo and what it believes to be guaranteed routes to profit, regardless of what history or economics say in rebuttal. So the faces of body positivity are the same stunningly beautiful people who would be used to sell detox tea, only now they’re cloaking their utterly substance-free inspirational messages in a false sense of universality. No, see, we’re all beautiful and you just need to believe in yourself!

But here’s the thing: I wholeheartedly believe I am unattractive and I am not bothered by that. I don’t think I’m beautiful and I think it’s OK to say that. It is not a curse or a lack of self-confidence that encourages me to think such things about myself. So why does everyone get so wound up when I say it?

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Auroch

Mar 7 2025, 11:56 PM

I definitely agree with this mindset.

I saw people praising a clip of Sabrina Carpenter with Dolly Parton, where Parton said something about how one day Carpenter would be old like her, and Carpenter replied, "I hope I look like you!"

They were saying it was great how Sabrina Carpenter was promoting the idea that you can age and still be beautiful, but why do you need to be beautiful?

I do think we should acknowledge how artificial beauty standards impact our perceptions, and how "unattractive" traits aren't always actually unattractive.

But at the same time, your value doesn't come from your beauty. If you're fixated on the idea that every trait you have needs to be beautiful, it probably won't end well for you.

I think wanting to look good is a natural instinct to some extent, and it isn't bad to want a partner who finds you attractive, etc. But the societal idea that beauty is a virtue, and therefore every trait must be considered beautiful, isn't really helpful. At the end of the day, people will be attracted to what they're attracted to. You'll be happier if you derive your sense of value from who you are, not your ability to be aesthetically pleasing.

Edited Mar 8 2025, 12:00 AM by Auroch.

Auroch

Mar 7 2025, 11:56 PM #2

Elsacat

223

Mar 8 2025, 9:13 AM

Count me in as someone tired of "everyone is beautiful!" pap. No, everyone and everything is not beautiful, nor do they/it need to be beautiful, nor is anyone or anything "better" because of its beauty. Anything we can think of in the world has a range of aesthetic appeal and it all has its place. People can't consistently agree on what is "beautiful" anyway.

Elsacat

Mar 8 2025, 9:13 AM #3

skunk

Mar 8 2025, 11:12 AM

I agree with the general idea. Im over the obsession with "beauty", which is often just manufactored beauty anyway. However, the reality is that, more often than not, women are still valued for their appearance before anything else. In society, being attractive is often treated as a sort of litmus test against women before anyone is willing to acknowledge our actual achievements and accomplishments. So sure, we can say not everyone is beautiful, theres nothing wrong with not being beautiful and certainly nothing wrong with not caring.

But realistically, when people say "everyone is beatiful!", they're saying it through their teeth anyway. And in our day to day, unless society as a whole stops paying so much attention to women's appearance in general, it will continue to effect how much were ultimately valued by our superficial society.

Edited Mar 8 2025, 11:13 AM by skunk.

skunk

Mar 8 2025, 11:12 AM #4

magdalyn

Mar 19 2025, 9:05 AM

Quote: But here’s the thing: I wholeheartedly believe I am unattractive and I am not bothered by that. I don’t think I’m beautiful and I think it’s OK to say that. It is not a curse or a lack of self-confidence that encourages me to think such things about myself. So why does everyone get so wound up when I say it?

It's like me saying I'm fat, when it's objectively true. I get a lot of pushback, and "you're not fat!" but yeah, I am. It's not a bad thing. I'm not trying to change it. It just is. People who believe BMI numbers are somehow applicable to individuals would look at mine and call me borderline morbidly obese.

Cashing in on the body positivity movement is no different than has happened with any other movement for equality and civil rights - it's a way to distract from and dilute the actual message until it can no longer adversely affect the powers that be. Patriarchal capitalism? Capitalist patriarchy? Either way, economic and social forces intertwined.

Edited Mar 19 2025, 9:05 AM by magdalyn.

magdalyn

Mar 19 2025, 9:05 AM #5

Quote: But here’s the thing: I wholeheartedly believe I am unattractive and I am not bothered by that. I don’t think I’m beautiful and I think it’s OK to say that. It is not a curse or a lack of self-confidence that encourages me to think such things about myself. So why does everyone get so wound up when I say it?

Sunny

Mar 19 2025, 9:15 AM

(Mar 19 2025, 9:05 AM)magdalyn
Quote: But here’s the thing: I wholeheartedly believe I am unattractive and I am not bothered by that. I don’t think I’m beautiful and I think it’s OK to say that. It is not a curse or a lack of self-confidence that encourages me to think such things about myself. So why does everyone get so wound up when I say it?

It's like me saying I'm fat, when it's objectively true. I get a lot of pushback, and "you're not fat!" but yeah, I am. It's not a bad thing. I'm not trying to change it. It just is. People who believe BMI numbers are somehow applicable to individuals would look at mine and call me borderline morbidly obese.

Cashing in on the body positivity movement is no different than has happened with any other movement for equality and civil rights - it's a way to distract from and dilute the actual message until it can no longer adversely affect the powers that be. Patriarchal capitalism? Capitalist patriarchy? Either way, economic and social forces intertwined.

I thought this too while reading! I am fat and fat is neutral. I can also be ugly and ugly should be neutral too. I don't want to pretty all the time, as Robyn once said "I'm only pretty when I say it's okay". And I don't say it's okay often. Pretty much never anymore and it is so damn freeing.

Sunny

Mar 19 2025, 9:15 AM #6

(Mar 19 2025, 9:05 AM)magdalyn
Quote: But here’s the thing: I wholeheartedly believe I am unattractive and I am not bothered by that. I don’t think I’m beautiful and I think it’s OK to say that. It is not a curse or a lack of self-confidence that encourages me to think such things about myself. So why does everyone get so wound up when I say it?

It's like me saying I'm fat, when it's objectively true. I get a lot of pushback, and "you're not fat!" but yeah, I am. It's not a bad thing. I'm not trying to change it. It just is. People who believe BMI numbers are somehow applicable to individuals would look at mine and call me borderline morbidly obese.

Cashing in on the body positivity movement is no different than has happened with any other movement for equality and civil rights - it's a way to distract from and dilute the actual message until it can no longer adversely affect the powers that be. Patriarchal capitalism? Capitalist patriarchy? Either way, economic and social forces intertwined.

magdalyn

Mar 19 2025, 10:15 AM

Not being out there to please anyone else is SO freeing!

I'm both conventionally attractive and nearing 50, so I'm aging out of a lot of the beauty "requirement", so to speak. I also started giving significantly fewer fucks about other people's opinions of me circa age 40, which helped a lot.

Most of the time I dress to be comfortable, I do things that are generally non-visible (like matching my socks to my shirt) to please myself, and keep my hair short enough that I don't have to think about having any. XD

Another random thought re: this thread - the attractiveness of fatness / what constitutes beauty is all highly subjective, and changes over time. Just another moving goalpost to keep women too busy to fight back.

magdalyn

Mar 19 2025, 10:15 AM #7

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