Can men and women be just friends?

clovenhooves The Personal Is Political General Article Can men and women be just friends?

Article Can men and women be just friends?

Article Can men and women be just friends?

Elsacat

387

Jun 20 2025, 8:16 AM

#1

https://www.economist.com/international/2025/06/19/can-men-and-women-be-just-friends

https://archive.ph/pN3fe

Quote:Dr Kretschmer found that having more opposite-sex friends made boys become more egalitarian, while not affecting girls’ opinions. He speculates that girls are less malleable because they have more at stake. If they want a career and a helpful husband, they are unlikely to abandon this dream to please a peer. Boys, by contrast, learn from socialising with girls that girls expect to be treated equally. They come to respect this demand, not least because most would like to be in a romantic relationship with one.

The answer, in my view, is "kind of" and it depends on women and men being able to socialize around each other in just-friends situations, frequently and preferably from an early age.

Elsacat

Jun 20 2025, 8:16 AM #1

https://www.economist.com/international/2025/06/19/can-men-and-women-be-just-friends

https://archive.ph/pN3fe

Quote:Dr Kretschmer found that having more opposite-sex friends made boys become more egalitarian, while not affecting girls’ opinions. He speculates that girls are less malleable because they have more at stake. If they want a career and a helpful husband, they are unlikely to abandon this dream to please a peer. Boys, by contrast, learn from socialising with girls that girls expect to be treated equally. They come to respect this demand, not least because most would like to be in a romantic relationship with one.

The answer, in my view, is "kind of" and it depends on women and men being able to socialize around each other in just-friends situations, frequently and preferably from an early age.

StarTea

7

Jun 24 2025, 7:49 AM

#2

I have had many male friends who are good people who I've been glad to have in my life. In my experience, if a man has no female friends, it's not a good sign. It's very easy for men to form deranged views of women when they are in all male circlejerks. There's some research backing up that having more cross-sex friendships leads to less bad views of women, though I don't have access to it on hand.

StarTea

Jun 24 2025, 7:49 AM #2

I have had many male friends who are good people who I've been glad to have in my life. In my experience, if a man has no female friends, it's not a good sign. It's very easy for men to form deranged views of women when they are in all male circlejerks. There's some research backing up that having more cross-sex friendships leads to less bad views of women, though I don't have access to it on hand.

autumnrain

12

Jun 24 2025, 4:00 PM

#3

(Jun 24 2025, 7:49 AM)StarTea I have had many male friends who are good people who I've been glad to have in my life. In my experience, if a man has no female friends, it's not a good sign. It's very easy for men to form deranged views of women when they are in all male circlejerks. There's some research backing up that having more cross-sex friendships leads to less bad views of women, though I don't have access to it on hand.

Very much agree. Knowing a prospective male friend has female friends makes me feel safer and makes me feel more likely to be taken seriously, especially because my hobbies and career both lean more male-dominated. I'm also happy that my husband has good female friends as well.

autumnrain

Jun 24 2025, 4:00 PM #3

(Jun 24 2025, 7:49 AM)StarTea I have had many male friends who are good people who I've been glad to have in my life. In my experience, if a man has no female friends, it's not a good sign. It's very easy for men to form deranged views of women when they are in all male circlejerks. There's some research backing up that having more cross-sex friendships leads to less bad views of women, though I don't have access to it on hand.

Very much agree. Knowing a prospective male friend has female friends makes me feel safer and makes me feel more likely to be taken seriously, especially because my hobbies and career both lean more male-dominated. I'm also happy that my husband has good female friends as well.

Ari_Savari

3

Jun 29 2025, 1:40 PM

#4

I have found that men usually use friendship as a pretext to try to get into a relationship with the woman. They only are friends with women they actively want to sleep with.

Ari_Savari

Jun 29 2025, 1:40 PM #4

I have found that men usually use friendship as a pretext to try to get into a relationship with the woman. They only are friends with women they actively want to sleep with.

StarTea

7

Jul 1 2025, 10:31 AM

#5

(Jun 29 2025, 1:40 PM)Ari_Savari I have found that men usually use friendship as a pretext to try to get into a relationship with the woman. They only are friends with women they actively want to sleep with.

I know this happens to some women. I will say, it has never never happened to me. I've actually been friends with a man and asked him if he'd like to go on a date with me and he turned me down. I have plenty of male friends and I'm sure many of them find me sexually attractive, but none of them have made a move on me.

I wonder if there's a context that causes people to run into these kinds of men, because I seriously cannot think of a case where a man has tried to use friendship to have sex with me. It's usually easier for them to just flirt and make their romantic advances explicit than to try to develop a full friendship and then try to turn it into romance.

StarTea

Jul 1 2025, 10:31 AM #5

(Jun 29 2025, 1:40 PM)Ari_Savari I have found that men usually use friendship as a pretext to try to get into a relationship with the woman. They only are friends with women they actively want to sleep with.

I know this happens to some women. I will say, it has never never happened to me. I've actually been friends with a man and asked him if he'd like to go on a date with me and he turned me down. I have plenty of male friends and I'm sure many of them find me sexually attractive, but none of them have made a move on me.

I wonder if there's a context that causes people to run into these kinds of men, because I seriously cannot think of a case where a man has tried to use friendship to have sex with me. It's usually easier for them to just flirt and make their romantic advances explicit than to try to develop a full friendship and then try to turn it into romance.

Ari_Savari

3

Jul 1 2025, 11:51 AM

#6

(Jul 1 2025, 10:31 AM)StarTea
(Jun 29 2025, 1:40 PM)Ari_Savari I have found that men usually use friendship as a pretext to try to get into a relationship with the woman. They only are friends with women they actively want to sleep with.

I know this happens to some women. I will say, it has never never happened to me. I've actually been friends with a man and asked him if he'd like to go on a date with me and he turned me down. I have plenty of male friends and I'm sure many of them find me sexually attractive, but none of them have made a move on me.

I wonder if there's a context that causes people to run into these kinds of men, because I seriously cannot think of a case where a man has tried to use friendship to have sex with me. It's usually easier for them to just flirt and make their romantic advances explicit than to try to develop a full friendship and then try to turn it into romance.

I feel like plenty of guys do that, the term "friend zone" describes this exact thing.

Ari_Savari

Jul 1 2025, 11:51 AM #6

(Jul 1 2025, 10:31 AM)StarTea
(Jun 29 2025, 1:40 PM)Ari_Savari I have found that men usually use friendship as a pretext to try to get into a relationship with the woman. They only are friends with women they actively want to sleep with.

I know this happens to some women. I will say, it has never never happened to me. I've actually been friends with a man and asked him if he'd like to go on a date with me and he turned me down. I have plenty of male friends and I'm sure many of them find me sexually attractive, but none of them have made a move on me.

I wonder if there's a context that causes people to run into these kinds of men, because I seriously cannot think of a case where a man has tried to use friendship to have sex with me. It's usually easier for them to just flirt and make their romantic advances explicit than to try to develop a full friendship and then try to turn it into romance.

I feel like plenty of guys do that, the term "friend zone" describes this exact thing.

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