Quote:"I just think that the reality of that answer is that women’s value gets lowered the more children that they have," he said on the podcast. "I was having this conversation with one of the mothers of my children and she’s still fine. Like, I was telling her, ‘The guy that you’re dating or will date, if he ain’t willing to love on these five children that you have, he ain’t the guy for you.’

Quote:A new study published in the Psychology of Women Quarterly explores how the division of household labor and decision-making power influences relationship satisfaction for women. The findings indicate that mothers in relationships with men tend to bear a heavier burden of domestic work compared to women in same-gender relationships or women without children. The research suggests that while having a voice in decision-making generally supports relationship quality, this positive link disappears for mothers partnered with men.

[...]

Women partnered with men reported doing more unpaid household labor than women partnered with women. This finding aligns with previous research regarding gender roles in different-gender relationships.

However, the most pronounced imbalance appeared when considering parental status. Mothers partnered with men reported a higher household labor burden than any other group in the study. This group performed more work than mothers partnered with women, childless women partnered with men, and childless women partnered with women.

Quote:Teachers will be given training to spot the signs of misogyny and tackle it in the classroom as part of the government's long-awaited strategy to halve violence against women and girls within the next decade.

The plans - which focus on preventing the radicalisation of young men - are due to be unveiled on Thursday, after being pushed back three times this year.

Pupils will be taught about issues such as consent, the dangers of sharing intimate images, how to identify positive role models, and to challenge unhealthy myths about women and relationships.

The £20m package will also include a new helpline for teenagers to get support for concerns about abuse in their own relationships.

The government hopes that by tackling the early roots of misogyny, it will prevent young men from becoming violent abusers.

Skyobli It was me. I used to say things like:

“Maybe explain to him that you need help with the trash?”
“Try complimenting him when he does do chores!”
“Maybe he just never learned how to communicate, have you tried helping him?”
And the classic: “If you always do the task first, he doesn’t get a chance. Just wait a few more days!”

I genuinely thought communication would fix everything. I didn’t understand that many men simply don’t want to do anything. I thought adulthood was something you could talk someone into.

I really started seeing the pattern when my girlfriends and sisters got married and had kids. Every story sounded the same. I used to joke, “Oh, funny, X has the exact same issue with her husband Y.” Until I realized: it’s not a coincidence. It’s a pattern.

You can’t “talk” a man into being an equal partner. All the women I know have become communication experts. Reading books, watching videos, going to therapy, learning how to phrase things gently, scheduling calm conversations, checking in if he has the “energy” to listen, explaining (for the 100th time) that they need help because they’re drowning. Some even ask their men what they need in order to give us equality.

And it always goes one of two ways:

1. Defensiveness: suddenly he’s stressed, misunderstood, overworked, planning to do the thing “any minute now,” and somehow you are the problem for bringing it up.
   
2. The Illusion of 'a Good Conversation': he apologizes, says he’ll “work on it,” promises to “try harder,” gives you a big hug and kiss and throws a few compliments your way… and nothing changes. The same conversation repeats in two months.
   

When I finally told my ex that I no longer believed his chore-promises, I was terrified of sounding like a nag. He'd always promised to do some type of chore that evening/weekend, and he never, ever did. At some point it even triggered a stomach ache whenever he declared he was going to clean. Because I knew I was being lied to right in my face. I rehearsed every sentence, made it soft, neutral, careful. All I wanted was a clean kitchen and shared responsibility.

And still he got irritated. Still he made it about his stress, his intentions, his feelings. I was at fault for “not giving him the benefit of the doubt.”

Meanwhile my friends have changed their entire way of speaking:
Not “Could you vacuum?” but “Can you please make the floor crumb-free and clean,” because otherwise he’ll do it for 2 minutes and call it done. "what? you asked me to vaccuum and I did!"

Not “Do the dishes,” but “Please empty the dishwasher, load it, dry everything, and wipe the counters,” just to prevent the inevitable half-assing. Even then he complains it’s condescending. But if you wouldn't be specific, he won't do it and say he 'just doesn't see' what needs to be done.

And the excessive “pleases” and “thank yous,” because without it he’ll accuse you of not being appreciated, though he never thanks you for anything.

I’m so tired. Tired of women bending over backwards and basically earning a psychology degree just to get the bare minimum. Tired of men communicating like teenagers. Denying, deflecting, defending, or agreeing to everything just to end the conversation. Tired of being told we didn’t communicate “clearly” enough, even though we do all of these tasks ourselves every single day without needing a PowerPoint presentation.

I’ve been single for a while now, and once you see the pattern, you can’t unsee it. I’d love to meet an emotionally mature man who can have a real, constructive conversation — but they seem rare.

Sometimes they even flip our communication skills into an insult:
“You’re not always right, you just know how to talk better than me!”

And then what? Do they read up on communication? Do they initiate conversations to improve the relationship? Do they watch videos on how to 'talk better'? Or, god forbid, do their fair share of work?

No. Nothing.
Because they don’t want to.

RalvionTesmarc Im 29F and somehow I became the default "cruise director" of my mixed friend group. If there was a birthday, weekend trip, even just a movie night, I was the one making the doodle, booking tickets, remembering allergies, picking up a cake. The guys always joked that I was "just naturally organized", like I spawned from a Google Calendar or smth. I kept brushing it off because I do like hosting, but lately I was feeling so tired and weirdly invisible, like a talking spreadsheet instead of a friend.

So last month I did a stupid little experiment. I told everyone I would be slammed with work for a few weeks and muted the group chat. No suggestions, no "hey dont forget X is on Thursday". The chat went almost completely dead. One of the men dropped a "we should do something soon" and... nothing. No concrete plan, no follow up. Two birthdays passed and both were just "HBD!!" texts. Yesterday one of the guys half-joked that our friend group is "falling apart" and asked me why I stopped organizing stuff, like it was a personality glitch. When I said I was burnt out from doing unpaid social labor, he looked genuinely confused and said "but youre so good at it". Has anyone actually managed to redistribute this kind of invisible work, or is every woman just quietly running the logistics department of her social life forever?

Few-Silver3946 Husband went on a business trip a few months ago - gone for 3 weeks.

The first day that I came home to an empty house, I simultaneously missed him but also realized just how much clutter and mess was around the house - mostly his.  Shoes in random places.  Dirty clothes that somehow didn't make it to the hamper and had since taken up residence on the floor for weeks.  Clean clothes that also took up residence on the floor because he "just didn't have time" to put them away and would just pick through them for clothes to wear.  Empty soda cans, dirty cups, dirty dishes in his home office.  Stuff he bought months ago still sitting on the living room table.  Crumbs that fell from where he ate.

So I cleaned - the downstairs bathroom, the two upstairs bathrooms, the kitchen, the home office.  I wiped stuff down.  I put stuff away.  Organized things.  For the first time in a long time, the clutter was just gone.  And the next day I came home to an empty house, it was STILL gone and STILL clean.  It felt like my brain could breathe.  It was EXHILIRATING.

Admittedly, my husband is the type who likes to "clean together" but cleaning is a one-person job when it's therapeutic like this.  Plus, when he cleans, he needs excessive management - he's not thorough with cleaning mirrors (leaves streaks), misses stuff when wiping down surfaces, doesn't catch everything with the dust pan when sweeping, leaves the vacuum plugged in even after he's finished using it.

And over this timeframe of coming home to a clean house, I felt myself breathing a little easier.  There wasn't that tense sensation of *knowing* I had to straighten up something, knowing that I had to be alert to handle/take care of *something*.

Another thing that was wonderfully absent was the mental switchover to the "second shift" - where after working 9 hours, I'd drive home and immediately start cooking dinner and straighten up the kitchen (because he seems to have forgotten our longstanding agreement that if I cook, he cleans) and only have about 30-45 minutes to eat and be off my feet before it was time for bed.  Instead, it was a blissful escape from work, where I could catch up on reading, burn some scented candles, nibble on snacks/leftovers if I wanted without being hit with the "what are we having for dinner tonight" question while he was relaxing at his computer.

I could go to sleep whenever I wanted, and not get pawed and mouthed for below mediocre sex the minute I climbed under the blankets, got comfortable, and just. wanted. to. sleep.  Just me and my cats snuggling.

I had peace and cleanliness for 3 weeks.

The night he got home, within minutes, there was mess again.  Suitcase thrown on the floor, clothing pulled out of it and strewn about for him to "pick through" stuff that was clean.  Empty grocery bag left on the counter.  Second suitcase taken upstairs and, again, clothing strewn about the floor.  He took a bath 4 days ago in our upstairs bathroom and his clothes are STILL on the floor.

It might sound small but it hurts in a nagging, annoying way.  He was happy to see me and missed me so much.  I did miss him, but after my 3 weeks of no second-shift, no mess, no demands/expectations, and whole, uninterrupted evenings of me-time rather than snatches of 15-20 minute intervals here and there between cooking and cleaning and managing him, I miss my peace more.

 
Edit: Thanks everyone for the advice and the blunt tough-love.  I tend to internalize a lot and go the route of least resistance by handling things myself, but this instance really put a magnifying glass to stuff that I've just choked down my frustration to deal with.  I'm already in therapy for recently diagnosed anxiety/depression after dealing with some significant health crises affecting close family members, so I will extend the conversation to this.  My mental load just seems to grow by the day, and it feels like I can never really relax even when I'm home.  Admittedly there are days where I wish I could come home from work, grab my cats, and just keep driving - get a new phone and new phone number, never be found again except by people I want to find me.  On the one hand I know he loves me but on the other hand he's just so deficient in so many areas that it takes all of my energy to pick up that slack.

Not sure if it matters but my husband is on the spectrum, possibly with undiagnosed ADHD (I know it doesn't excuse this; there are plenty of people with autism who can manage themselves/their households better than neurotypical people).  Someone mentioned mess-blindness and to an extent I understand that, but I also REALLY don't - you know clothes go in the hamper or on the hanger/closet, not on the floor.

I will not do anything passive aggressive - no dishes in his car - but I will remind him of our deal about me cooking and him cleaning, as well as establish a cleaning schedule rather than just waiting for things to get messy.  When I was younger, my mom and I had a cleaning routine where you could plan on a day of cleaning, but 6 days of rest (which incentivized keeping stuff clean so you had 7 days of rest!) so I'll try that. 

As far as sex goes, I'm doing more exploring of my own body to get a real idea of what I actually like.  I know I can get wet, but with him I generally don't because I'm too busy thinking about other shit that I have to deal with.  That will be another conversation.  I got an IUD a while back after years of being on the Pill and I still have a lot of anxiety about anything going inside me because I subconsciously *feel* anticipatory discomfort down there.  I've been recommended to read "Come as You Are" and "She Comes First," too, so those are on my reading list.

HardWrkMksSoftLife I'm sorry I'm being really short with my explanation of what's happening. I'm on my mobile phone. My dad just left the building and he's blowing up my phone while I'm trying to type this out.

So I 23F have spent the last 3yrs being forced to babysit my step and half siblings bcu parents would just drop them off at my place with no warning.  It used to be when I lived with them I was forced to babysit and they didn't care if I missed school or work, etc. There were times when I was a minor I would kiss so much school for having to go back and forth to different parents house (my parents are divorced and remarried) to babysit CPS for involved bc off my truancy from school. Then I was grounded for them being put under investigation. They were forced to send me back to school but then I had to come home (to whoever had custody of me that week) and babaysit, cook, clean, etc. while keeping my grades up so they didn't get in trouble.


Fast forward I moved into my own place when I was 19. My friends dad owned property and knew my situation and gave me a good deal on one of his apartments way below market value . Then my parents would drop my siblings off at my apartment with no warning. I lost my last job because of it and all my parents said was good bc now I could babysit full time. I finally put my foot down and my father attacked me, and back slapped me telling me he didn't care how old I was  I was to do as he said.

My boyfriend told me to move in with him because his apartment building has a concierge where you have to be introduced and the tenant has to agree to let you up. So I sold all my stuff and moved in with my BF, he had me put on the lease after finding a job ( I was so lucky to get this one more pay and benefits) and let my friends dad know the situation,  he let me put if my lease no problem.

My dad was just downstairs with his my step and half siblings from him ( 5 kids ranging in ages 3-10) trying to get up, I told the concierge they are never allowed up and if they don't leave to call the cops. So that's what they did. Now my dad and his wife and blowing up my phone saying I'm and ungrateful asshole for pulling this stunt and my ass is grass when they see me. Im currently waiting for my BF to come home so he can escort me to the police station to make a report and possibly see about getting a restraining order. My father is a really big guy so I'm really scared. I don't think I'm the AH but I just wanted to check and see my BF and friends say I'm not but IDK part of me feels like I am IDKY. So please am I the AH. If I left and holes in what happened you can ask in comments I have the cliff notes version bc of character count.

Frequently_Abroad_00 It’s rare to meet a man who asks with curiosity about a woman’s stories, feelings, opinions, and other intricacies of a woman’s inner world. My experience has been that I’m asked factual information (where I am from, what do i do), and these questions leave the impression that I’m being screened for “are you good enough”. And then it stops there. As long as I play nice and smile and meet the expectations, there’s little interest in my inner world. I get listened to if I decide to share , but almost nobody appears interested to explore anything, unless I straightforward say I’m upset or my behavior displays it. It makes me feel like I’m there to fulfill a role and, as long as I am pleasant, what happens inside my soul and mind is insignificant. That makes me feel uninteresting but, mostly, lonely, even when there’s someone in my physical presence.

Are men generally not very interested in what’s going on inside a woman’s soul and mind, as long as the outward behavior is what the man hopes to see?

VFTM Because they legitimately do not care

WeenyDancer They don't think women are people

Ambitious_Ad3253 these men see us more like accessories, something you get because it's time for a relationship or they want to settle down and have a woman to cook and start a family with. these kinds of men don't think relationships should be started because you fall in love with the personality and experiences of a person, more like they found someone attractive and stable enough to start a family with when they decide it's time.