Ovarit post on o/Lesbians: "Where have we all gone?"

clovenhooves The Personal Is Political Lesbian & Bisexual Rights Social Media Ovarit post on o/Lesbians: "Where have we all gone?"

Social Media Ovarit post on o/Lesbians: "Where have we all gone?"

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komorebi
“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

246

Dec 19 2024, 3:39 PM

#11

Sorry, had a busy day! Finally got around to picking this back up. XD

(Dec 17 2024, 12:36 PM)Elsacat Until now, I'd have insisted women (unless maybe some TIFs) don't experience "gender euphoria." But what else is it when I'm in a nice feminine outfit, hair and makeup done, looking at myself in the mirror and feeling "pretty"?

Would I feel the same way if I were in a clean pressed button-down dress shirt, pressed trousers, shined flat dress shoes, hair short and neatly slicked back, face clean but no trace of makeup?

Or does the traditional gender presentation make me feel some kind of way, not sexual like with so many TIMs, but still an "I feel pretty" buzz? Is that not some kind of gender euphoria?

I do think enjoying "looking pretty" is a kind of gender euphoria, yeah. Like you said, not the sexual kind, but in my experience I see my gender friends using this term mostly in relation to being dressed in explicitly gendered ways (e.g. your very twee "lil ghei boi" aesthetic for TIFs, with suspenders and bow ties; or NBs who switch between very baggy hoodies and jeans with baseball cap and no makeup on one day vs. mini skirt, frilled blouse, cute accessories and makeup on another).

But it makes sense that people would feel this way, and I don't think women need to flagellate ourselves over it. Most people like feeling desirable, but society and culture dictate what's considered attractive, and furthermore, society wants to push gender on us. Because of all that, it makes sense that we end up parsing attractiveness through the lens of gender. We should just acknowledge where the feelings stem from and what they mean, so that we can work towards freeing ourselves from those expectations.

komorebi

“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” – Audre Lorde

Dec 19 2024, 3:39 PM #11

Sorry, had a busy day! Finally got around to picking this back up. XD

(Dec 17 2024, 12:36 PM)Elsacat Until now, I'd have insisted women (unless maybe some TIFs) don't experience "gender euphoria." But what else is it when I'm in a nice feminine outfit, hair and makeup done, looking at myself in the mirror and feeling "pretty"?

Would I feel the same way if I were in a clean pressed button-down dress shirt, pressed trousers, shined flat dress shoes, hair short and neatly slicked back, face clean but no trace of makeup?

Or does the traditional gender presentation make me feel some kind of way, not sexual like with so many TIMs, but still an "I feel pretty" buzz? Is that not some kind of gender euphoria?

sealwomyn

Jan 21 2025, 11:39 PM

#12

(Dec 17 2024, 11:51 AM)YesYourNigel lol would love to hear their reasoning. Is it "divisive"? Funny how white supremacism is never "divisive.

EXACTLY oh my goddess, they never acknowledge that they're the ones "fracturing the sisterhood" with their racist horseshit! Well, I was first told that there were technical problems on the backend of the site that needed fixed before they could add more mods because the moderation tools weren't working well (I sympathize, yet somehow your white mods managed?) and then that they hadn't been able to find any WOC who they felt would make a good mod for a WOC circle and work well with them / not cause drama. Which to me was insanely weird because multiple black women had offered, and they seemingly did get one black mod for another circle and still no WOC or black women's circle...

I don't know if the specific mod I spoke with was genuine and actually wanted to fix the problem, I want to think she was, but the reasons she cited gave me the impression that there was a white admin team unwilling to hand over a space to WOC unless they could find a mod who would obey rules from admin team and police WOC's speech in their own circle to white admin satisfaction, and the vibe that they maybe felt defensive/threatened by the outspoken criticism of white feminism and blatant racism on the site by the black women who were asking for their own circle. That's just my speculation based on the claim they couldn't find a suitable mod, to be as transparent as possible. If they think it's bad faith speculation well, they're making it pretty hard to take it in good faith that they give a flying fuck about how racist their site is so they can feel free to prove me wrong by cracking down on the white supremacist nonsense anytime now.

Also hi, was wondering why I didn't hear back when I replied to your message over there! That degrading feminine clothing defense thread was a fucking choice feminism dumpster fire of migraine-inducing proportions, what a fucking embarrassment. I just left the site for at least a week after seeing the admin shutting down basic feminist analysis of restrictive and impractical clothing.

I'm still trying to get the hang of the interface over here because I don't want to quote everyone's entire post to reply and it's a bit tedious to edit on mobile, but I'll try to check here more as I have much preferred the level of consciousness so far LOL.

sealwomyn

Jan 21 2025, 11:39 PM #12

(Dec 17 2024, 11:51 AM)YesYourNigel lol would love to hear their reasoning. Is it "divisive"? Funny how white supremacism is never "divisive.

YesYourNigel

117

Jan 22 2025, 9:41 PM

#13

(Jan 21 2025, 11:39 PM)sealwomyn they seemingly did get one black mod for another circle

We can't be racist, we have a black friend mod

Quote:unless they could find a mod who would obey rules from admin team and police WOC's speech in their own circle to white admin satisfaction

Hey can you please not make the poor white women feel threatened plz it's very divisive 🥺 Can't we all just get along?

Quote:Also hi, was wondering why I didn't hear back when I replied to your message over there!

Oh I remember! You were literally the only other person on that fucking dumpster fire thread who wasn't bullshitting and gaslighting. I felt really frustrated that I couldn't reply to your messages.

Quote:I'm still trying to get the hang of the interface over here

Yeah I have the same issues. I struggle with named quoting, and formatting is just not there by default on mobile. I should ask the mod what's up.

I refuse to debate two obvious facts: 1. the patriarchy exists 2. and that's a bad thing

YesYourNigel

Jan 22 2025, 9:41 PM #13

(Jan 21 2025, 11:39 PM)sealwomyn they seemingly did get one black mod for another circle

We can't be racist, we have a black friend mod

Quote:unless they could find a mod who would obey rules from admin team and police WOC's speech in their own circle to white admin satisfaction

Hey can you please not make the poor white women feel threatened plz it's very divisive 🥺 Can't we all just get along?

Quote:Also hi, was wondering why I didn't hear back when I replied to your message over there!

Oh I remember! You were literally the only other person on that fucking dumpster fire thread who wasn't bullshitting and gaslighting. I felt really frustrated that I couldn't reply to your messages.

Quote:I'm still trying to get the hang of the interface over here

Yeah I have the same issues. I struggle with named quoting, and formatting is just not there by default on mobile. I should ask the mod what's up.

I refuse to debate two obvious facts: 1. the patriarchy exists 2. and that's a bad thing

Sgushenka

Feb 12 2025, 1:58 PM

#14

(Jan 21 2025, 11:39 PM)sealwomyn I don't know if the specific mod I spoke with was genuine and actually wanted to fix the problem,

This is highly unlikely, knowing ovarit mods.

Quote:they maybe felt defensive/threatened by the outspoken criticism of white feminism and blatant racism on the site by the black women who were asking for their own circle. That's just my speculation based on the claim they couldn't find a suitable mod, to be as transparent as possible.

They're very defensive over white feminism, to the point where you can't even bring up nasty behavior from any white woman without the hivemind getting enraged.

Quote: If they think it's bad faith speculation well, they're making it pretty hard to take it in good faith that they give a flying fuck about how racist their site is so they can feel free to prove me wrong by cracking down on the white supremacist nonsense anytime now.

I found that doing a google search for "ovarit" and "Palestine" was very telling

Sgushenka

Feb 12 2025, 1:58 PM #14

(Jan 21 2025, 11:39 PM)sealwomyn I don't know if the specific mod I spoke with was genuine and actually wanted to fix the problem,

This is highly unlikely, knowing ovarit mods.

Quote:they maybe felt defensive/threatened by the outspoken criticism of white feminism and blatant racism on the site by the black women who were asking for their own circle. That's just my speculation based on the claim they couldn't find a suitable mod, to be as transparent as possible.

They're very defensive over white feminism, to the point where you can't even bring up nasty behavior from any white woman without the hivemind getting enraged.

Quote: If they think it's bad faith speculation well, they're making it pretty hard to take it in good faith that they give a flying fuck about how racist their site is so they can feel free to prove me wrong by cracking down on the white supremacist nonsense anytime now.

I found that doing a google search for "ovarit" and "Palestine" was very telling

eyeswideopen

Feb 12 2025, 5:07 PM

#15

I remember a discussion of new circles over there and suggesting that maybe we could merge the Gardening and Fiber Arts circles into one circle since they both are very low traffic and set up a new circle for women of color. My comment was deleted for "shit posting". At this point, the decision to not have a WOC circle is not bc they can't find a mod for it or for lack of resources. It's bc they don't want one.

eyeswideopen

Feb 12 2025, 5:07 PM #15

Clover
Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

665

Feb 12 2025, 5:49 PM

#16

(Feb 12 2025, 5:07 PM)eyeswideopen I remember a discussion of new circles over there and suggesting that maybe we could merge the Gardening and Fiber Arts circles into one circle since they both are very low traffic and set up a new circle for women of color. My comment was deleted for "shit posting". At this point, the decision to not have a WOC circle is not bc they can't find a mod for it or for lack of resources. It's bc they don't want one.

excusemewhatthefuck

Kozlik's regular member account. 🍀🐐

Clover

Kozlik's regular account 🍀🐐

Feb 12 2025, 5:49 PM #16

(Feb 12 2025, 5:07 PM)eyeswideopen I remember a discussion of new circles over there and suggesting that maybe we could merge the Gardening and Fiber Arts circles into one circle since they both are very low traffic and set up a new circle for women of color. My comment was deleted for "shit posting". At this point, the decision to not have a WOC circle is not bc they can't find a mod for it or for lack of resources. It's bc they don't want one.

excusemewhatthefuck

Kozlik's regular member account. 🍀🐐

RusticTroglodyte

Feb 12 2025, 6:24 PM

#17

(Feb 12 2025, 5:07 PM)eyeswideopen I remember a discussion of new circles over there and suggesting that maybe we could merge the Gardening and Fiber Arts circles into one circle since they both are very low traffic and set up a new circle for women of color. My comment was deleted for "shit posting". At this point, the decision to not have a WOC circle is not bc they can't find a mod for it or for lack of resources. It's bc they don't want one.

That's a fact. It was so hard for me to accept that Ovarit is like this. It genuinely makes me sad

RusticTroglodyte

Feb 12 2025, 6:24 PM #17

(Feb 12 2025, 5:07 PM)eyeswideopen I remember a discussion of new circles over there and suggesting that maybe we could merge the Gardening and Fiber Arts circles into one circle since they both are very low traffic and set up a new circle for women of color. My comment was deleted for "shit posting". At this point, the decision to not have a WOC circle is not bc they can't find a mod for it or for lack of resources. It's bc they don't want one.

That's a fact. It was so hard for me to accept that Ovarit is like this. It genuinely makes me sad

Lemonade

Feb 12 2025, 6:45 PM

#18

(Feb 12 2025, 5:07 PM)eyeswideopen I remember a discussion of new circles over there and suggesting that maybe we could merge the Gardening and Fiber Arts circles into one circle since they both are very low traffic and set up a new circle for women of color. My comment was deleted for "shit posting". At this point, the decision to not have a WOC circle is not bc they can't find a mod for it or for lack of resources. It's bc they don't want one.

Movies and TV should be one circle, too. It's super fucked they deleted your comment. "Off topic" and "meta discussion" are their favorite go-tos for deleting things they don't like completely unchecked. 🙄 "Shitposting" is one I haven't gotten yet though, geez.

The admin's excuse is always the same, too. "No one is volunteering their time" which is such bs. I was trying for a while to suggest a motherhood circle, which I think would be extremely important for a site that is supposedly woman focused. Especially for women worried about their kids who are falling into the gender cult. And, like all the other misogyny they turn a blind eye to, they let mother hate go unchecked. (And I, personally, mean run of the mill mother-hate, not feminist criticism of having children. Although I know the latter gets called mother hate because every one is so extreme online all the time and no one listens.) I've offered my time to moderate it and have experience moderating a large forum in the past. I know I'm not the only one who has offered either. But still "no one is volunteering"

And the Loving Women circle always rubbed me the wrong way, too. Not in the idea of having a circle for all women who are attracted to women. That's fine, sure. But at the time it was created because people wanted a circle for bisexuals, and the admins decided that no, that's not a good reason to have a circle, but one where you can't talk about being bi is a good enough compromise! And I think ultimately the reason was to not have any male focused circles (the same for not having a general dating circle or FDS circle or anything for heterosexual women). Which, okay I get that too. They were still pretending it was a feminist site at the time. But it just all just irked me the way it was handled and communicated.

And everyone gets told to post all of these topics in o/Women. Except, no, the admin also has made it clear that despite telling everyone who wanted specific circles made to go there, that o/women is not a catch all circle. It's a circle for positive and light hearted conversation.

They just don't want us talking about certain topics. And she said that explicitly. That Ovarit isn't required to host any subject and that there are subjects that she doesn't want to host. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Which is her right obviously, but if she can't communicate clearly what's a banned topic and she surreptitiously deletes comments with little explanation and without publicly noting the reason for deletion, it makes posting anything feel uncomfortable and not worth it. But I guess she doesn't want the image of being someone that deletes asking for a WOC because it's "shitposting."

Edited Feb 12 2025, 6:50 PM by Lemonade.

Lemonade

Feb 12 2025, 6:45 PM #18

(Feb 12 2025, 5:07 PM)eyeswideopen I remember a discussion of new circles over there and suggesting that maybe we could merge the Gardening and Fiber Arts circles into one circle since they both are very low traffic and set up a new circle for women of color. My comment was deleted for "shit posting". At this point, the decision to not have a WOC circle is not bc they can't find a mod for it or for lack of resources. It's bc they don't want one.

ShameMustChangeSides

Feb 12 2025, 9:25 PM

#19

(Feb 12 2025, 6:45 PM)Lemonade. The admin's excuse is always the same, too. "No one is volunteering their time" which is such bs. I was trying for a while to suggest a motherhood circle, which I think would be extremely important for a site that is supposedly woman focused. Especially for women worried about their kids who are falling into the gender cult. And, like all the other misogyny they turn a blind eye to, they let mother hate go unchecked. (And I, personally, mean run of the mill mother-hate, not feminist criticism of having children. Although I know the latter gets called mother hate because every one is so extreme online all the time and no one listens.) I've offered my time to moderate it and have experience moderating a large forum in the past. I know I'm not the only one who has offered either. But still "no one is volunteering"

And the Loving Women circle always rubbed me the wrong way, too. Not in the idea of having a circle for all women who are attracted to women. That's fine, sure. But at the time it was created because people wanted a circle for bisexuals, and the admins decided that no, that's not a good reason to have a circle, but one where you can't talk about being bi is a good enough compromise! And I think ultimately the reason was to not have any male focused circles (the same for not having a general dating circle or FDS circle or anything for heterosexual women). Which, okay I get that too. They were still pretending it was a feminist site at the time. But it just all just irked me the way it was handled and communicated.

Don't even get me started on mother-hate... I'm all for 4B and women being childfree, I would have been had life blessed me with different circumstances before I was an adult, but the hate from "feminists" for women who are already mothers is so crazy to me. I responded to an admin comment that there wasn't anyone willing to moderate a motherhood circle and said I would and she literally never said anything back lol.

Also, it's kind of unfortunate that you can't really talk about being bi or dating men. Not talking about dating men is understandable since you wouldn't want it all to devolve into a male-centric circle/site, but also there's literally nowhere to talk about dating men from a radfem perspective. I also get that there is the view that you can't be a radfem and date men. But damn if it wouldn't be nice to ask for advice and perspective from based women once in a while. Sometimes I talk about my dating worries with my therapist and she doesn't get it, she sympathizes sometimes but is still very male-identified at times.

As for the hate for detrans women that was talked about earlier in this thread... I didn't notice it either until the Ovarit thread someone mentioned where a desisted woman said she didn't feel welcome. I was surprised but then I started seeing it EVERYWHERE. No punches pulled at all when it comes to TIFs, even wishing harm on them sometimes! I wish the term was "MERF" (male exclusive radical feminist) instead of "TERF" so people wouldn't get it twisted.

ShameMustChangeSides

Feb 12 2025, 9:25 PM #19

(Feb 12 2025, 6:45 PM)Lemonade. The admin's excuse is always the same, too. "No one is volunteering their time" which is such bs. I was trying for a while to suggest a motherhood circle, which I think would be extremely important for a site that is supposedly woman focused. Especially for women worried about their kids who are falling into the gender cult. And, like all the other misogyny they turn a blind eye to, they let mother hate go unchecked. (And I, personally, mean run of the mill mother-hate, not feminist criticism of having children. Although I know the latter gets called mother hate because every one is so extreme online all the time and no one listens.) I've offered my time to moderate it and have experience moderating a large forum in the past. I know I'm not the only one who has offered either. But still "no one is volunteering"

And the Loving Women circle always rubbed me the wrong way, too. Not in the idea of having a circle for all women who are attracted to women. That's fine, sure. But at the time it was created because people wanted a circle for bisexuals, and the admins decided that no, that's not a good reason to have a circle, but one where you can't talk about being bi is a good enough compromise! And I think ultimately the reason was to not have any male focused circles (the same for not having a general dating circle or FDS circle or anything for heterosexual women). Which, okay I get that too. They were still pretending it was a feminist site at the time. But it just all just irked me the way it was handled and communicated.

lesbiansherlock

Feb 13 2025, 11:50 AM

#20

Lesbians are only used as a counter argument against TIMs, when it’s convenient.

When it comes to standing up for us I found most people on Ovarit really insensitive and low key homophobic.

The glee people had trashing everything gay, the original gay flag and any and all festivities during pride month was very telling. There’s a difference complaining about the furry and trans takeover and… whatever it is they do over there these days.

Also it’s just me being petty but a while ago I posted a thread with pictures of Blake Lively wearing suits (I mean what’s more lesbian than that) and it got deleted without any explanation so yeah bye.

Edited Feb 13 2025, 11:50 AM by lesbiansherlock.

lesbiansherlock

Feb 13 2025, 11:50 AM #20

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